Wine Stained Thoughts of a Twenty-Something

I've been waking up every single morning these past few weeks going "What am I doing with my life?"   There's been many existential thoughts running through my head as of late. "What is life?" or simply "Why?"

Where have my thoughts been running off to? I have been thinking. We are grounded in reality, yet we yearn to escape it every single day. Some of us cope with mood altering substances, some of us 'cope' by becoming depressed. Why do we become depressed? This is a thought that's been running through my head and into the ether constantly.

I have come to the conclusion that depression stems from the want to learn. The need to experience. The drive to get out and see what this world has to offer. We sit at our desks, day in and day out, crunching numbers, helping people that are incapable of helping themselves just so we can get by. Just so we can live in our fucking houses and drive our cars, and live one more day where we can escape this harsh 'reality' that we call our home.

Pessimistic? Yes. But why must we live inside these social norms that we have built around ourselves? If you don't like what you do, then don't do it. Do what you love, what you feel you must be doing.

I feel like this can be a radical, and even detrimental statement to most. We must always do things we don't want to do to live in this place that we have built for ourselves. Is there a reason? Absolutely. You have to make money to live. It sucks.

Make the most of your life. Every single day I've encountered this statement: "I wanted to do this, but life happened." Take a risk, fuck. Everyone that has told this to me is young, ambitious, incredibly talented; and most importantly... educated! There is no reason to piss your life away and wondering what could've been. Stability is enticing, but not necessary. It is only to fit into what our lives have been shaped around. Go to college, get a good job, support your family.

I understand the need; but not the want. I yearn for success, but what does success mean in your eyes?

The expansion of horizons

I don't know about you guys out there, but I've gone through so many musical changes, expansions, and realizations that it could be deemed ridiculous. I never realized how closed-minded that one can be when it comes to music. "Hate" is such a strong word while describing anything, and there are a couple of bands that I always found myself saying "I just don't like their music" and in some scenarios saying "I can't stand (insert band name here)'s music" One of these bands was The Smiths. I just couldn't stand Morrisey's voice. 

Nevermind the fact that The Smith's music has been described as influential for many of my favorite bands; I just didn't get it. 

However, there comes a point in every music lover's (or anybody for that matter) life that you just have to let go and decide to listen to some music objectively. And... Damn. I let go tonight and listened to The Smiths for the first time with an open ear. 

It's good, really good. Like anything and anybody, we are afraid and threatened by something we are unsure of. I've done the same thing with pretty much every band that is considered as one of "my favorites" to date, and I am grateful that I've had so many people around me that gently push me out of my comfort zone and into musical greatness.

So cheers to expanding our musical tastes!

Fighting Complacency

This morning as I woke up to go to work, I read possibly the most disturbing and depressing thing that I've ever heard. A few simple words stated as follows: "The key to success is complacency". Uhhh, what the fuck? Who says this? More importantly, who believes this?

This gave me quite the run for my money and got me thinking that I am, indeed, following this utterly disgusting guideline. The idea of doing what I'm not passionate about. Going to work everyday without a fire,  a drive, or any sort of idea about where this is going to take me next. I decided not to go to work today to think and reset.

A few factors are revolving around a rash, and most likely idiotic decision to leave a well paying job, where I like who I work with, have a great support system, and a friendly environment in which I don't mind going to 5 days a week. In all honesty, I have a great job. But to what standards?

Through life's experiences I would consider myself an artist. I know, a lofty statement to say the least. I appreciate making progressive and new music, and I enjoy making art in any medium. Sure I have a nice job with some killer benefits, but the hollow space where you're unable to stay creative has taken a huge toll on happiness, love, and finding more in life.

I had a long, and incredibly real conversation with one of my greatest friends last night about staying happy, and guess where we ended up? Do what you love, and love what you do.

The strive to stay passionate, the want and need to be creative. This is all I want from life. I don't want or need a ton of money. In every sense of the phrase "money does not buy happiness" I have realized this to a greater extent than I knew possible. When you have a truly fulfilling "job" is when you have achieved true happiness. Everyone's cup of tea is different, and finding just the right cup for me is where I'm at. I need a change, I need to thrive.

So complacency doesn't breed success. It breeds, well, complacency.

Phases

The trials and tribulations of life. There are ups, there are downs; and there is inevitably a soundtrack to every single moment. The association of music to feelings plays a much bigger part to our lives than we know. It takes some objective thinking and digging into our day to day lives to realize this and find this pattern; and to see how our musical tastes partner with our feelings.

Our music tastes change throughout our lives, and most of the time this caters to how a song or album attaches itself lyrically and emotionally to meaningful events. I was just happening to be pondering this idea in my head for a number of reasons today.

Today; being my birthday, has been barraged (in a very good way) with many people wishing you the best. A happy, healthy, and joyful year ahead that will be better than the last by at least tenfold. While in many circumstances this may be true, today has seen a little heartache from none other than the opposite sex. It's never fun when communication breaks down, and it's really not fun to get blown off on your birthday; whether it is intentional or not.

Why am I upset? There's really no factual or quantifiable reason; just making plans and having them broken sucks. Especially when you're interested.

Where am I going with this? Well I woke up this morning finding lyrics in songs much more identifiable. Much more close to where "My Heart" is at in the current moment. It's amazing how I thrived on being alone for so long, and now I cringe at the thought of another second of it! Listening to Brand New, Afghan Whigs today it's amazing how identifiable all these subjects are when you're looking for it. Feeling of loss, loneliness, and also being close to someone are all heavy themes in Brand New's music. However I have failed to take these to heart until this very moment when I'm feeling it. While Afghan Whigs lyrical themes are a bit more brash and blunt, the idea is there. I have loved Brand New's music for a long time, but a lot of it was more of the emotion in the actual instrumentation. The lyrics are just great.

I find myself listening to "Jesus" on repeat today for these very reasons. The heartache and emotion that went into that song is incredible; and it's simplicity continues to intrigue me every time.

Enough heartache though, we are almost forgetting the other parts of our lives, the amazing ones! While Brand New plays heavily into that as well, I definitely find my self either attaching to different aspects of the music or reading into lyrics differently. There is definitely much more Blink 182 involved in the mix, and quite a bit more NOFX as well.

I just find it pretty interesting and in fact amazing that our minds will automatically change gears and find different themes in the same songs. Our minds are a crazy thing, and the thought of cracking open and deciphering our own thoughts is one that is a career in itself.

Like a Paintbrush to Paper

Whatever place music plays in our lives, in some capacity we draw inspiration from it. From having a bad day, to having the most incredible day of your life, there is undoubtedly a soundtrack to our experiences.

So what is making or breaking my day?  After a lengthy and trying day of work, there was nothing better to cure my ailments than Thrice's 'Vheissu' which contains the exact amount of heaviness and melody that made me want to go and throw some punches in the mosh pit; not to mention geek out and lament over the fact that Dustin Kensrue can write better melodies than I could ever think of. 

Music is always such a great way to vent how we feel. It's like the comfort food to our feelings, hopes, dreams; and also nightmares. It can get you through the most trying times, but luckily right now music is the soundtrack to a great chapter of my life.

The strangest thing about finding inspiration for writing music has been trying to translate that feeling of happiness without sounding corny and short-handed. It's always been a good way to vent a general dismay for a current situation, but what happens when artists that draw from that unhappiness inevitably become happy? Almost every one of my top artists have been known to be severely depressed, or at least are going through something that permits drawing from poor situations. It seems to create this heavy, almost crushing atmosphere in the music and art that truly translates how the said artist is feeling at the moment.

So I pose the question, does an artist have to be in a shitty situation to create some of the most memorable art? There was a recent story I read (http://www.psych.ucalgary.ca/pace/va-lab/avde-website/vangogh.html) that brought Vincent Van Gogh's life to light for me. One of the most revered painters of his time, Van Gogh was known to have suffered from depression after being rejected by the love of his life, and suffered increasingly from schizophrenia as he got older; the article leaning towards the notion that when he painted "Starry Night" he was actually painting what he saw. Elliot Smith, one of the most underrated songwriters of our time, was known to suffer from severe depression; and his music painted a picture of that beautifully; however very tragic.

Kurdt Cobain, Jim Morrison, and countless other memorable songwriters suffered from alcoholism and drug addiction with co-occuring depression symptoms.

So why; I ask, does this make for such good art? We have struggled for a long time with trying to channel our emotions and describe what we see, how we feel, and how were dealing with it. It's comforting to know that in some regard, others feel exactly how you do.

Another point is the amount of passion that goes into this fringe of songwriting. When you feel so down and out, and disparaged the amount of heart that goes into making something beautiful is exponentially increased. That paintbrush becomes something more than a paintbrush, those guitar strings also become something much more than steel tuned to EADGBE. They become a an extension of self, an extension of your own eyes into a canvas or into an amp and microphone. For many this can be the ultimate therapy, a complete window into one's soul that can not quite be described but incredibly understood. It's amazing to me to listen to these people speak about their art and how they don't think much of it, it just being something they do on an everyday basis.

To liken music to life in general, out of tragedy and despair often comes the best part of living; or in this case songs. Is it fun? No. But does it pay off? Absolutely. I wouldn't trade any of my bad experiences for an easy life, and I hope none of the amazing artists that created so many amazing things we appreciate today would either. Inspiration can come from the strangest things, but the strangest things can be the best.

Music Fads: Part One

We all go through a point in our lives where it's really cool to like a certain thing. We MUST HAVE what is cool at that point and our lives seemingly depend on it. Pokemon, Ninja Turtles, Beanie Babies, and Hammer Pants were all things that were just too cool for school at some point in time.

Unfortunately, we see these same trends happen in music all the time. We call them fads and we are all victim to them. One of the biggest musical fads I have seen go in and out a couple times already is Ska. There are even designated time periods that ska has that clarified when it was popular and who was making it popular. First, Second, Third, and now even Fourth Wave Ska are all testaments of a genre that has continually swept in and out of popularity since its inception into the music scene in the late 60's and early 70's. When I got into it, Ska was in it's full-fledged third wave in the early 2000's when I was in high school and starting college. It seemed like there were endless amounts of punk and/or rock bands that were capitalizing on this music style made popular at the time by bands paving the way like Reel Big Fish & Catch 22.

We all are susceptible to musical growth, but are musical trends just one of those things that is the unfortunate casualty of this growth? Is ska music a genre that we all need to experience and be aware of on our ongoing path to musical enlightenment? I think so. I am very fond of these bands such as Reel Big Fish & Streetlight Manifesto, but I definitely don't identify with it as something that I listen to on a regular basis, and very rarely do I find someone that doesn't share these views. Does it mean that ska isn't cool to listen too? Absolutely not. It just appears that it's a fad that goes in and out of style every few years.

WHY THOUGH?! Why doesn't ska have the staying power to stay a relevant genre for more than a couple of years at a time? I am at a loss for this information.

Reel Big Fish's "Turn The Radio Off...", Catch 22's "Keasby Night's", and Streetlight Manifesto's "Everything Went Numb" are all groundbreaking albums that broke down barriers of what ska can be and do. They all have much of the chemistry needed to be incredibly popular albums, but get lost in the sands of time, as well as the tides and waves that ska falls victim to. Bands like NOFX, and Rancid draw influence from the ska and reggae scene, but do not rely on it to maintain their popularity and follow these same waves of popularity with the inclusion of ska influences in their music and on their respective labels.

In the end, it is just food for thought. I don't have the answer for why this happens; especially with ska. I guess I'm just looking for the answers myself.



1. Streetlight Manifesto- "Everything Went Numb"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XKs8TsY3XI

2. Reel Big Fish- "Beer"
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCgX4ixCRcQ&noredirect=1

Blink 182- Neighborhoods

Without a doubt, this has been for me personally the most anticipated release of this year. I have been a diehard Blink fan since I can remember. The fact that they have gone through such a great amount of turmoil, and a growth experience that has been unrivaled amongst so many other pop-punk bands; has led me to become even more stoked about what they have to offer after a long, long eight years.

Upon purchasing this album, I was so eager, nervous, and incredibly excited to hear Blink as what they described themselves as: a more modern, mature, but still relevant form of what everybody came to know and love them as.

The first song "Ghosts On The Dancefloor" sets the mood for the album with its proggy guitar riff, synth layers, and dance-oriented drums. The lyrics set the same landscape by crooning "I saw your ghost tonight, the moment felt so real." The bridge is the only part of the song that is questionable, with its unnecessary noodling, and Barker's flashy excuses to place himself in the rock drummers' heirarchy.

"Natives" is such a great example of what the band was and what the band is. The opening riff is very reminiscent of "M+M's" opening guitar part, while the trade-off of vocals and musical styles in the chorus reminds me of a song on TOYPAJ. The final chorus bleeds a passion for melody that easily makes this my favorite song on the album.

Refer to my earlier post regarding "Up All Night", the first single on the album. My opinion remains the same.

"After Midnight" is by many opinions an "instant classic" as far as the Blink 182 catalog is concerned. It is instantly catchy in the verses as well as the choruses, and is equally easy to sing along to.

"Snake Charmer" finds itself reminiscent of Delonge's side project Boxcarracer, complete with heavy riffs and dissonant chords. I think that the crowning achievement of this song is the outro and flow into the second half of the album. Regardless of this fact, the guitar riff in the song is heavy as fuck, and makes you want to learn how to play it and think you can find beauty in such simplicity.

"Hearts all Gone Interlude"- One of the most delicate and well thought out songs on the record in my opinion. This is exactly where my tastes lie... somewhere in between coherence and progressive rock craziness.

Where this progressive rock ends, and the straight forward rock begins is such a great transition and sets the mood for the second half of the album. "Hearts all Gone" is a simple, pop-punk track that yearns for the youth and angst that Blink came from; but also the darkness that has helped this machine come what it has today. The bass is screams through the song with such authority, and the lyrics makes me rethink every relationship I've ever had.

It's hard to listen to the song "Wishing Well" without thinking about the lyrics to the early Blink song "Carousel", but the pre-chorus's "la-da-da-da-da-da-das" make it difficult to not sing along. It's such a cool song about finding yourself, and it's so catchy.

"Kaleidescope" is definitely a Hoppus track. It's decidedly more concise easier to digest, and much more indie-rock oriented than a lot of the record. It's cool that there's this dichotomy on the record.

In listening to interviews about "This Is Home", it's interesting that the song was actually written by Mark Hoppus, but ended up being sung by Tom Delonge. It makes this sing have a little more meaning, and it's reassuring to know that they actually worked together to make this record; regardless of being in separate studios. It's synthy domination, and use of acoustic guitars throughout make this a much more interesting song if listened to at more than face value.

"MH 4.18.2011" is another one of Mark's tracks that brings it home to the indie/pop-punk craftwork that he is known for. It's another anthem that voices the fact that we have a lot more to be thankful for than we really know.

"Love is Dangerous" is, for lack of better words ominous and creepy. The octave lyrics in the verses leave me with the chills every time.

"Fighting The Gravity" got the most negative reviews from the whole album from others, while I think it's one of the coolest tracks. It's super electronic, dark, progressive, and not really what I would expect from these guys at all. Once again, it borders between coherence and oblivion; which is exactly where my tastes lie. I'm so impressed with this song and how weird it is. I can't say enough good things about this song.

The last song "Even if She Falls" (which is only on the deluxe edition I might add) is the only song in this set that I would categorize as filler. I'm not really sure if I like it still. It just seems like regurgitation of what people wanted to hear. Don't get me wrong, it's catchy, fun, and upbeat, but it seems to lack the depth that the other songs possess on the album.



What I have to say about this album is that I'm impressed with where they decided to go with it. I thoroughly enjoy listening to it (I've probably played it through ten or more time since I got it). What I'm more interested to hear is where they'll go next. It seems like it's more of a stepping stone into being a more mature and pragmatic band than they were previously. When you break it down, it has many of the same song, chord, and album structures, that identifies itself as a Blink 182 album. That is what people like, and I'm VERY, VERY ok with that. However, with benchmarks like "Fighting The Gravity" and "Natives" that set this album very much apart from what they have done previously, I want to see what this band can do if they set there minds out to create something really creative, progressive and different.